A Letter from Iraq
This time of year we look
around and reflect on the things we are thankful for, consider what we’ve
accomplished, and anticipate the changes we want to make for the New Year.
As everyone reflects, I
encourage you to take a moment to consider what a blessing it is to have the absolute
basics and offer prayers for those that don’t. For instance; our troops.
While you may think this is
a post highlighting what they’ve endured or how we should be more grateful, let
me change direction. I offer instead, merry words of wisdom and laughter to
brighten your night (while also, reminding you how great things are because
really, you aren’t burning trash to stay warm….)
A letter from my brother
while he was in Iraq. For those that have different “reading voices,” I plead
with you to carefully select and proceed with the most sarcastic tone you have
saved. He should be a writer; right?!
“Parents, sibling, and pets,
(we only had one pet, please
also note the lack of “dear”)
How
goes it back in the land of running water, flushing toilets, warm beds, and
food besides MRE’s? Hope all is well, health is good, knees are healing (mother had a knee replacement
surgery), colleges are accepting (written during my senior year) and jobs are hiring. Over here
in the land of sand, with bottled water, dig your own toilet, smelly sleeping
bags, and nothing besides MRE’s (MRE=Meals Ready to Eat, disgusting freeze dried food that has only
marginally gotten better with time) and VGR’s (economy sized MRE’s for
groups, we call them Useless Grunt Rations), everything is cold and dusty, as
is to be expected.
We
have begun this wonderful mission where we stay up most nights in the freeing
cold, in a screen line, where our LAV’s are spread in a line, and we look for
smugglers. It’s so gay, it makes Elton John look straight.
Last
showered approximately 5 pairs of socks ago. Have stopped judging things by
time, only by whether or not I can stomach the smell and feel of my socks
another day. It will be approximately 3-4 more pairs of socks until my mission
of scrubbing the jungle of fungi and bacteria off all anatomical parts is
achieved.
The
best mornings are when we resupply and have a lot of trash so that we can make
a fire to stay warm. Sort of like homeless people. We build trash fires to stay
warm and are wearing pretty much everything we own to stay warm. It’s sad, it
really is (contrary to
popular belief, the average at night in the winter in Iraq is 30’s). We rely on
other people’s handouts (packages), our packs could be considered our shopping
cart, because it has the majority of our possessions in it, and our bathing
habits aren’t what you would call regular. Not saying we smell, but I could
probably throw one of those aforementioned socks into a florist, and put them
out of business. We’re an assault on the olfactory system (Brandon has to be fancy with his
big words, it’s how you perceive smell), smashing into it like Katrina
into New Orleans (I think
his sense of sensitivity and political correctness went out the window in those
conditions…just kidding he never had either of those). Every night I get
into my sleeping bag, it’s like the Hulk Hogan of bad smells slapping into the
face.
Well,
that’s it from this dusty, desolate, domain. Hopefully the next time
correspondence is exchanged, we will have bathed and done laundry. I almost
feel bad for the laundry people, and then I remember they stay on base all day
and night. Those bastards.
Love
you all,
Son,
sibling, owner”
