Racer Pacer

I was a mile into this 5k race and to say I was on the struggle bus was an understatement. I was trying so hard to pace with others around me but I just couldn’t seem to hit my stride. People were passing me left and right and the girl in front of me seemed to keep getting further and further ahead-was she running faster or was I going slower?

Between the pollen and focusing on other’s paces, all the running I had been doing for the past month didn’t seem to make a difference. It wasn’t until the 2.5 mile mark I let everything else go. I got lost in my own race, pace, thoughts, and focused on my own stride, lengthening it out to my more normal cadence rather than the choppy race pace I had set. The last half mile flew by and with ease, I glided into the finish line. I was done. 

I was driving home reflecting. Frequently, I struggle hard when I race but during my normal runs, set a strong pace that feels natural. Why is there such a difference?It was an easy answer for a lesson I had already learned in high school. In cross country, I had periodically run with a pacer. A pacer is someone that teaches you to control your pace so you don’t come out of the gate sprinting, helps you hit the stride you’re best at, and have energy left for a strong sprint finisher. I had always been horrible at pacing, letting other racers and adrenaline affect my outcome. I was too focused on how others were doing, trying to do it their way, I lost sight of everything I had been working on and training for.

Then I thought about my life outside of races. I realized I’m incredibly guilty of doing the exact same thing. I look around at the pace that everyone else is at and try to match it, regardless of if it’s the right thing for me or not. See someone ahead of me? I’ll push myself beyond what is comfortable to try to catch up, sometimes succeeding, sometimes, not. 

Other times, I look behind me, seeing others taking a slower pace so I too, will enjoy a lull, even though what was right for me was to keep pushing on. 

They say to “take the blinders off” and see what is going on. I would argue I need to put the blinders back on. Not getting distracted by the shiny race cars next to me but running the race that is marked out for me. The individual race marked out for me, not for anyone else, not a pace others have set, but my race, my pace. 

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” 

Hebrews 12:1

Create

You are more than just a number. 

I’ve heard this statement many times in many different contexts. You have an employee number, but you bring unique value to the table. You’ve been labeled as a statistic to become _______(an alcoholic, divorcee, college dropout) but you won’t accept that. Your salvation is a number but your story means more to God and to others. 

As I reflected on what I wanted to get out of this year, I followed a tradition we’ve set in my church of choosing a word for the new year that we are claiming God to use and move through us in. One year mine was contentment. It was powerful. I prayed for God to let me be content with what I was given, rather than constantly lusting and craving things I didn’t have from money to love to a promotion. It was a tough year but through it, I walked away from dating to be content in my singleness and I took steps to love myself more the way I was, less the way society was calling me to be. Last year my word was on the opposite end as verb. I wanted to call into my life movement and action. I had walked away from physical activity and following through on promises I made myself to take action on different ideas. Last year, my life changed an incredible amount between the beginning of my journey towards weight loss, a new house, a new job, and renewed focus on what matters. 

For this year, I struggled for weeks on what God was placing in my heart. I was pondering deep, spiritual, meaningful words but none of them resonated in my heart. It was late one night as I was scrolling through The Giving Keys to pick out a gift for a friend that I saw the word “Create.” I froze. Create. Create what God? I asked. I’m not very artistic. In fact, even stick figures are often beyond my limits. I continued to stare and God spoke to me in only the way He can to make heard his voice so clearly. The year before, I had walked away from leadership in the church in small group settings. I had felt so drained that I knew I needed time off. I’ve written about struggles with relationships in many forms and this had seemed to be one more area I was failing in.

God spoke “Create community. Create boundaries. Create love. Create relationships. Create memories. Create change. Create good habits. Create more love for me.”

I was floored. It was all the things I knew I needed to walk towards but had created such solid reasons to say no to each of them, that I had in essence, created the exact opposite of what I wanted to create. As I write this, I’m actually chuckling to think of the irony. 

So I said yes. I said yes to God and yes to a different and more expectant 2018. When you ask God to show up, He will better than you even knew to expect. 

I’ve had the privilege of starting a young adult co-ed corporate Christians small group.  I’ve been able to open my home up to create community that others were apparently craving just as much as I was. I’ve said no to others and stuck to it to create boundaries. I’ve learned to better love myself and create positive healthy habits of change. I’ve asked God where he wants me, and he creates opportunities for me to say yes to create memories. As I write this, I’m about to embark on a crazy weekend across the country with a ton of people I don’t really know. It’s entirely outside my comfort zone and that’s awesome because I know with confidence, I’ll create some great memories and friendships. 

What are you going to create?