The Time You Spend

I sit in an airport awaiting my flight and look around. I see couples, singles, old, Black, Hispanic, disabled, hipsters, youngsters, nerds, working professionals, and more. I marvel at the diversity and people watching you have the opportunity to observe and take in all in one location. The biggest marvel of all perhaps, is the things that seem to unite all of us sitting there besides the obvious of trying to catch a flight; technology. Whether it’s the technology medical advances that have increased the average life span or the technology failures that can occur to delay an entire airport system and ruin hundred’s of people’s delays in a matter of minutes, technology is changing faster than many of us can fathom and it’s here to stay.

Is all technology good though? It’s a philosophical debate. 

I continue to sit completely still in my seat in the airport observing those around me. It’s unlike me to sit this still but as my work laptop refuses to connect with the WiFi, I have no choice but to sit in peace until I reach my destination and can finish the project I need to complete. I take in those around me and observe, not for the first time, how incredibly rude we have become as a society. I watch many of those traveling with earbuds in, no desire to engage in conversation of any manner with those around them, including their own spouses and children. I watch many knowing that the only exercise of the day they have will be the movement of their thumbs swiping on their electronic devices.

My heart sinks at that thought but a topic for another day.

I can see many of their screens. Twitter, Instagram, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, and U.S. Airways appear to be the favorites of the group immediately surrounding me. I look around and suspect that would be the selection of the majority of the airport.

I shake my head and continue to observe.

For those not web browsing, I watch individuals of all ages and backgrounds play candy crush and other mindless app games including children who perhaps, are too young to be touching an electronic device to begin with.

My heart sinks.

Where did meaningful conversation go? Chatting with those around you, connecting with your loved ones as you sit with them and for parents in this day and age, one of the longest period of time in one sitting you get with your children.

It’s not just the airport. If it was, it would make it better knowing people hate waiting and this is how they cope. However, I see it in every situation. Couples and families out to dinner. Friends at a party on their phones rather than catching up and really hearing what is going on in their friends lives rather than a superficial conversation once again.

I once went on a date with a guy who took four phone calls and sent twelve text messages before I stopped counting in the span of 45 minutes before I promptly told him to just go home.

How did we come to this? When did we start accepting this as “normal?”

I login to Facebook as I need a break from this activity of people watching and scroll through my newsfeed.

I grow more depressed and bored the further I scroll.

I used to love Facebook. I could keep in touch with friends and family far away. Send mass messages and update others on a regular basis about my life without actually having a personal conversation individually about it.

I’ve grown tired of it.

Are you twenty something old female growing more impatient by the day that everyone around you is getting engaged but you?

No worries.

Just login to your social media and see all the great pictures of what just has to be the fifth engagement this month on your screen.

Hate your job?

No worries.

Read all about the great opportunities your friends are exploring.

Wish you could afford the Caribbean vacation everyone else at work seems to be taking?  Just scroll. You can live it vicariously through your friends who kindly upload 212 of their vacation pictures they took a week ago for your leisurely perusal.

Think you aren’t skinny, educated, fashionable, wealthy, or happy enough?

You’re right! If you think for a moment you are where you should be, just login and see how much happier, more successful, more beautiful and fit everyone else is than you. Social media does a great job of confirming that for you. It would hate for you to think you’re doing better than anyone else.

Any given day I can feel insecure at the drop of the hat and if I look at social media, it can only serves to reinforce any insecurity I’m feeling. So why would I want to add one more way to do that?! That’s when I realized, social media, just isn’t for me.

I asked the girls in my high school bible study recently, to raise their hand if they check all their social media via their phone first thing in the morning before leaving their bed.

Every. Single. One. Raised their hand.

My heart sank.

Most of you at this point probably think I’m a sad, underpaid, angry individual sitting behind a computer who has some vendetta against social media and while the second part of that might be a little true, the first part couldn’t be the furthest from the truth.

I’m a really happy,  well-compensated individual for my age that is incredibly blessed. Anytime I doubt any of that, social media just serves to compound that feeling and feed and sow those seeds of unhealthy emotion inside of me.

I’ve deleted the Facebook app off my phone. I have to manually login through the web if I want to view it. I had Snapchat and Twitter for about five minutes two years ago but couldn’t access it now even if I wanted knowing I don’t know how to use it or my logins. Instagram and every other app out there has never been on any device I own. It won’t be either for the immediate future.

I’m not trying to tell anyone how to live his or her life. Social media can be great to get a message out or connect with those far away.

It’s deceptive though. It’s only a small snapshot of others lives. It’s not a personal connection. The people who seem to lead perfect lives and constantly have amazing posts aren't showing you the complete picture. Social media is the biggest photoshop scandal out there that we aren't talking enough about or protecting our kids from.

But (and there is always a but), when you realize you are allowing social media to dictate your feelings and consume your life, when you realize you spend more time on it than with the people you call friends and family; you’ve reached the final stage in the grief healing process known as acceptance.

So let's change this. Change how you interact with friends and family. Get more personal. Spend more time with them. Spend less eye contact with your screen.

And if you don’t and I see you out for lunch with family, eyes glued to your device, well,

My heart will sink.

No Strings Attached

Dear Every 20 something year olds…

This year you will probably see a minimum of at least six couples get engaged, five couples from last years engagements get married, and at least two are bound to announce an impending baby.

Here is what I have to say:

“Nah, Nah, da boo boo, goody two shoes for you.”

Not really mature but honestly, sometimes I'm just at a loss for words when I see the news.

While all of those individuals just tied themselves into a nice little box, can check that item off their life to do list, you can move on because you don’t have to answer to anyone else.

Some people say that those in their twenties don’t have enough direction and I used to agree. Now, I’d say some of us have TOO much direction.

We set these milestones that have to be accomplished by this age, do this before any of my other friends, and obtain approval from everyone in my family about the path I’m on.

And you know what?

IT'S. SUCH. A. WASTE. OF. TIME.

We seem to be on this frenzied path to accomplish so much that we are running ourselves into the ground to obtain everyone else’s approval without bothering to stop to realize if we have truly found happiness for ourselves.

I don’t mean we should be so negligent that we run up extravegent credit card bills, never get jobs, have no direction in life, and never take responsibility. I think that we should slow down to evaluate who we truly are, rather than letting society or our friends tell us what we should be doing.

This next statement is probably going to really upset some people and while it’s certainly not aimed at everyone, some people could benefit from hearing that tying yourself to someone else so early and so seriously is the worst thing you could possibly do for yourself or to someone else.  

For the past year and half since I graduated college, I’ve watched couple after couple get engaged and subsequently married and some even start having children.

And I just have to ask, what did you truly give up in the pursuit of having this “perfect life?”

How can you possibly know what you wanted when you’ve never truly experienced being on your own in the world away from mommy and daddy, away from the confines and safety of college where some of the biggest choices you had to make were: Do you go out on Thursday or stay in to study?

The point I’m striving to make is, some of us have yet to understand what we really want and have settled instead, on the first seemingly best thing we could find.

Every year I’ve done the New Year’s Resolution route. Just like so many others, by February, I’ve already broken them and resolved to make better ones for the next year.

This year, I think I finally found one I could stick to. Those that know me probably would describe me as the responsible, mature, old beyond my years friend in the group. The one you could always rely on to help out, say yes to volunteering, heading that project, joining that initiative.

Now, I’m going to follow my own advice. I’m only in my twenties once. It’s the only time I can rationalize taking two weeks off to go on that Europe trip I keep talking about or going on 20 first dates in a year if I want to. Don't attend a wedding for someone I didn't really ever like or keep in touch with just because it's the proper thing to do. I'm going to find out what's like to have free time on the weekends instead of scheduling every spare minute. Whatever it is, I’m done doing what everyone else thinks is the right thing and I’m going to do what I want. I’m going to do me.

My New Year’s Resolution?

“Say no to responsibility, and yes to opportunity.”

I might make some of the worst decisions I’ve ever had, but I know that somewhere along the line, I’m also going to create memories that will last forever and stories to tell friends sitting across from one another drinking a beer. For once, I might just be the irresponsible one instead of the dependable friend. Maybe I'll find that person along the way I want to spend the rest of my life with but you know, I'll make sure I've been able to make the decisions that suit me first and I'll do it on my timeline, not when society or anyone else thinks is the right time.

My roommate Georgia is the perfect example of this. She just accepted a great job offer to move to another position within her company but she had to transfer to Atlanta. She could do it because she didn't have anyone else to consult or base her decision on. Those are the opportunities I'm just not willing to give up on.

For me and others, that’s okay because it’s better to do this now, than decide I didn’t get enough freedom when I’m 40 and have that mid-life crisis that now, affects an entire family.

I just have to answer to myself and God.

And I like that concept.

(Feel free to leave me great opportunities I should explore and I’ll make a list. Or not. I’m not committing to anything just yet :D)

I have found favor where I haven't earned it

HIS Timing

What do you do when you hear the answer is no?

Does it depend on whom it came from?

What the question was?

How strongly you wanted the answer to be yes?

I remember interviewing for a promotion in December and for the first time in my life, I felt peace when the “waiting game” started. I knew that I had done the best I could and if it fit with God’s timing, great, if it didn’t, I knew he had better plans for me. (I did end up getting the job which I’m currently in and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this department)

At the end of December I got rid of my AWFUL roommates (one wasn’t so bad but together not the best living situation) and God gave me my awesome current roommate within weeks. While I hated how long it took to get rid of one of the girls, it was clearly God’s timing because he managed to make sure the timing of the leave and arrival aligned so the other half of the rent was covered the entire time (even though that itself was an interesting situation). It also was perfect timing because a month prior, my new roommate wasn’t ready to move to another place. Funny how God aligns a girl from bible study I had only known a few months to help me in a difficult situation.

Then in May, I interviewed for a leadership program I was extremely interested in. However, God spoke to me very clearly throughout the entire process, telling me it wasn’t the right time. I didn’t listen (I’m shall we say, a little bull headed, haha) and I didn’t get chosen for the program.

It was the first time I walked a path I wanted to take but God blocked that I finally understood how to immediately react with understanding His timing is better than mine.

While I’d like to say the entire time I had this Godly serenity before me, you can clearly see I was listening to my own desires and not God’s. During the application and selection process, I was like Naaman from 2^nd Kings 5. Naaman was a great army leader who had a skin disease. He sought out Elisha the prophet for healing but instead of getting to speak with Elisha, he spoke to his assistant. Naaman feeling slighted, originally chose to ignore God’s instructions. However, he had someone talk reason into him. He then listened to the instructions and was healed.  

I think all of us at times really need that someone to talk sense into us. Good thing we have mentors, small groups, churches, and hopefully, “accountability partners” that many of us have taken advantage of. I’m blessed to have many of these actually.

I recently read Gabrielle Douglass’s book “Grace, Gold and Glory.” That book resonated with me on many levels but perhaps most importantly because she has a mother like mine. One who has scarified over the years to make sure I could get where I was going, who was always there for me, and to remind me of the important things; even when I didn’t want to hear them. She wrote this in her book and I can’t think of a more fitting quote and response:

“I performed so poorly that I didn’t even want to compete on the second day. ‘Why wasn’t God there for me?’ I cried to Mom. ‘I prayed, I quoted Scripture-I did it all. I feel like He abandoned Me.”

‘Mom didn’t miss a beat before offering me another perspective. We don’t always understand the big picture of why God allows us to have certain experiences,” she explained. ‘You just have to put today behind you and focus on what you’ll do tomorrow. You can do this. It’s time to persevere.”

In between this and the next step I took, I started wondering about my place in the company. I looked elsewhere for jobs, considering leaving the company. I started questioning my place in a company just a year ago I had been praising God for placing me with. Funny how quickly we forget God’s blessings to us and the path He has set us on and the lessons He just taught us.

I recently interviewed for another leadership program. This program would be a much better fit than the first. I do know this, I listened to God and know this time, it was a right step to take. I still might not get in, but I’ll have learned something in the process that was vital to being successful. ***

God puts people in my life to help develop and grow me. Each person has a specific timing of when they enter, and sometimes, when they need to exit. God uses them to teach me something. Some have taught me how to love in ways I didn’t know before and others have taught me things about myself like how to control my temper and teach me patience.(I think we all can always learn that lesson...but don't ask God to teach it to you because His sense of humor is greater than ours and He will surely present you situations to teach it to you!)

She really does sleep like this on my floor air vent...Booger!

He even places lovely adorable dogs in my life because he knows I yearned for one and can’t turn away one in need. Just when I thought I was only going to foster for a couple weeks…ha!

Kenzie is learning to love kayaking with me!

When anything happens, whether I get my way or not, I remind myself, God’s timing, has always been greater than mine. I have found so much favor with him even when and in places of my life I feel I haven't earned it. I can find His promise to me both in the Bible in His writing to us His children as well as His goodness to me in the past.

Trust.

In.

Him.

***Honesty Disclosure: I had almost completey written this blog minus minor editing a couple weeks ago. I recently found out I did get into that other leadership program. Even if I hadn’t, my feelings would be the same. God’s timing, is always better than ours.  This just happened to help emphasize my point :)

Personal Fable

Personable Fable: Psychological term applied to tweens and teenagers used to describe the development cognitive limitation that each experiences. One believes that he or she is so uniquely special and unlike anyone else. It becomes dangerous because the adolescent thinks that nothing bad could possibly happen to him or her. 

While psychologists argue this is experienced by teenagers, I might argue twenty-somethings and even older adults feel this way at times.

It’s why some don’t think they need a seatbelt, or a helmet riding a motorcycle, the parachute will always open, that our home will never the one broken into, or that we will never be the one assaulted.

If we were more cautious, wouldn’t we take more precautions? Get a better home security system? Listen to those advertisements that have the corny fake actors and burglars we mock?

 

I was 17 years old and had this infallible complex. Bad things don’t happen, certainly not me and especially not in little old Cayce, SC. Nonetheless, my parents were the typical worrywarts “Text me when you leave, text me when you get there! Who is going? Will parents be there?”

                   I’m sure no one else can relate to the feeling of having overbearing parents.

It’s funny how the older you get, the more you recognize your parents might’ve been right about a couple things. Shhh! Don’t tell my mom I said that though!

Working as a food runner and sometimes hostess at a restaurant in downtown Columbia made my parents slightly nervous, not to mention the hours I kept which meant I often didn’t finish until past midnight.

Despite the annoyances, I did try to listen to my parents if for nothing else than so I didn’t have to listen to ONE. MORE. LECTURE.

                        1. Park in a well lite area

                        2. Don’t take your purse, just take your ID and keys

                        3. Have a guy walk you out

and so on.

I did all that, feeling silly each night I had to grab a guy to walk me out but I did it anyway. Sometimes, it just isn’t enough though. It’s funny how certain events have the ability to be defining moments for the rest of your life.

It was a Tuesday night and late when I finally finished. I grabbed a kitchen guy to walk me out because the bouncers were busy. (Note: I didn’t get paid in cash, I got a paycheck, no tips=no cash on hand). I was parked under a street lamp in the back parking lot and I had my keys in one hand and ID in my back pocket.

We reached my car and I turned to say goodnight to the guy when a man approached us from the side. He asked for lighter at which I chuckled and said I didn’t smoke nor did the guy with me. From which the guy responded by pulling out a gun and pointing it at my head. He demanded my wallet which I didn’t have and asked for the guy with me for his wallet. Neither of us could provide anything which made him very angry.

At this point, some of you are probably thinking, hey why weren’t you carrying? Aren’t you a big proponent of concealed carry? Isn’t this the exact type of situation you crazy gun carriers long for?

Let me clear something up (besides the fact I was 17 and couldn't even have my concealed carry)

This is the most important I want to get across. At this point under NO CIRCUMSTANCES am I about to get into a gun battle with some random stranger. Not over $20, not even if I had $200 in cash and three credit cards and debit card I could hand over to the guy. I can get a freeze put on those cards in less time than it takes for them to dress my body for a funeral. Not to mention the $200 in cash loss wouldn’t begin to pay said funeral home to dress my body.

No

No

and No 

I don’t think I’m going to decide who can be faster, the guy with a gun out already, or me who has to pull out the gun and aim and pull the trigger before the other guy.

Let’s continue the story. After having emptied my pockets and offering up the keys to my ’94 Ford F150 pickup truck (or should I say my dad’s truck) as incentive to go away and being turned down (damn, I had really hoped for another car too)

Not my truck, but you get the idea

the lovely stranger/gunman turned a little violent. He wasn’t very happy to hear I had nothing of value and the kitchen guy had no cash and no credit cards either. (Newsflash to muggers: restaurant workers are usually broke, we after all, do work at a restaurant. Try the financial district next time). He became irate and started screaming at us, asking if we were stupid, did we not take him serious, etc, etc. He then did something I had only seen in movies. He chambered a round and put it directly to my head.

This is the point if I had my concealed carry I might’ve considered going for it but you have a lot of things that you have to think very quickly through in a matter of seconds.

1. Can you get to it before he realizes what you are doing? Will he be distracted long enough for you to reach for it?

2. What happens if his or your gun goes off and you accidentally hit someone else, i.e. the guy who walked me out? Are you prepared to take that chance?

3. If you by some miracle, get it out and shoot the guy before he takes a shot, are you mentally prepared to deal with taking someone’s life.

You’re probably thinking of course, it’s my life or his. Let me tell you from experience, I had nightmares for almost two years about that night. My roommate my freshman year of college told me I woke her a couple times screaming in my sleep. If I had that experience when I did nothing, I can’t imagine waking for years to seeing the face of someone I killed.

So what am I saying? I’m saying you should be prepared. It can happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime.

1. Women! Get off your cellphones when you are walking out to your car at night or in a parking garage. You’re distracted and a prime target.

2. Have your keys out and ready to go. Fumbling for your keys in your giant Mary Poppins luggage purse is one more distraction that makes you vulnerable.

3. Lock your doors the minute you get in. Not after you fixed your hair or situate your purse. Immediately.

4. Walk widely around your car. This way you can take a peek if anyone is in your backseat and prevent someone from hiding on one side of your car to pop up and grab you.

THIS IS NOT MY GUN NOR WOULD I EVER OWN A PINK GUN...but some women seem to love them

Concealed Carry: If you have it, know how to use it. One of my biggest pet peeves is seeing people (typically women) come in to get their concealed carry and have NEVER SHOT A GUN BEFORE. Then they proceed to never practice. Take lessons. Take classes on defensive shooting. Learn how to quickly draw and practice doing so. If possible, DON’T CARRY IN YOUR PURSE! Your purse is the easiest thing for a mugger to grab and go. You can’t exactly say, I’m sorry Mr. Mugger, you can have my purse but do you mind if I grab my $600 pretty shiny gun out first? Not only do you lose an expensive investment, the paperwork that comes with it is a needless headache as well as you just put a gun in a criminals hand and took away any defense you had if the altercation does turn violent. 

In the off chance you are abducted, by keeping the gun concealed on you, you at least have a chance of keeping it because most likely, the abductor isn’t going to throw your purse in the trunk with you.

I am not a police officer. I am not even old and wise. I’m just passing along some solid advice I’ve been given as well as preaching on common mistakes I see and hear.

Don’t be a victim. Try to prevent it. You might not be able to avoid it, but you can at least say, I did all the right things.

 As always, I’m still a proponent of all women learning to shoot, taking lessons, and going to get your concealed carry permit. At the very least, take a self-defense class.

I'm off my soapbox for the night. 

#YOLO

YOLO!

Possibly the most popular saying (at least among teenagers) back in 2011/2012. It was ALL OVER our

-Social Media  #YOLO  #hadtotrysomethingstupid #YOLO

-T-shirts

-Wristbands

-Skateboards

This statement might surprise you; but I love that saying. In fact, I wish it were still popular. I might even try to bring it back.

Except, I probably don’t mean it the same way those high school seniors with the beer bottle in hand or the college student who skips class all the time to get crazy with friends because hey, you only live once right?

YOLO.

You see, we do only live once here on earth. I don’t believe in reincarnation like other religions or the idea that we get second chances (even though many marriages are treated as if there are multiple opportunities). If future me has encountered a time travel machine, I apparently hated my younger self enough to not come back and share it to redo those ultra embarrassing moments from high school or even college.

So we get one shot at this thing called life. One chance to explore the world, make friends, find the right job, marry the right person, try new things.

Except, we forgot something along the way. We also only have once chance to make an impact on this world. Leave a legacy. The RIGHT kind of legacy. My man Jeff said it best in the video below when he said:

"When your legacy is left on that piece of cement, do you want to be known as that moral Christian who was against secular music, cursing, and tattoos, or do you want that slab of stone to say yeah, his life was messy, hard, but he spent his entire life loving God, loving others, serving people?"

As Christians, we need to stop worrying about the most irrelevant items (cursing, music, tattoos) and focus on demonstrating through our actions Christ's love for this whole world.

I’m challenging you to pick up that Gauntlet and make a difference. Maybe, instead of averting our eyes when we see a homeless person at an intersection, we keep a small bag of food and toiletries in our car we can hand out. How about offering to be the designated driver with your friends who tend to drive after drinking so you can spend time with them but take a stand without saying a word. Don’t be afraid to bless your meal in public, at work, around your friends. Be bold about our mission from Christ. Sometimes, it's the little things that add up.

You are going to screw up. Jesus didn’t call perfect people to be his disciples. Or even people that became perfect. He called men that screwed up the beginning of their lives and continued to screw up even after devotedly following Jesus. It isn’t about getting it right. It’s about the honest effort.

You never know when your "YOLO" is finished. 

It can’t wait until tomorrow. When life slows down. When you’re married, have a family. Life is always going to be busy. God gave you gifts and talents now to make a difference. 

Because you only get one life to make an impact.

YOLO.

Life is like IKEA.

                                                                              

                                                                      Have you ever visited IKEA?

Unless you have a mind numbing three plus hours to fill, rethink visiting in the near future. Also, drive a small car. So small in fact that it resembles one of those cars that you try to picture eight clowns POPPING out of but it just isn’t actually feasible. 

                                                                                       Why?

When you first enter the doors, a daycare is located at the front for you to check your kid(s) and there is a café located halfway through. Enough said, right?

For those that have been bear with me while I paint a picture for that that can’t say they have had this particular pleasure.

It’s laid out in a large warehouse with random walls sectioning “rooms” off like a maze. There are arrows on the floor to serve as a guide and so that you don’t grow bored as if it was the yellow brick road, the type of arrow changes!

·      Some painted a bright yellow

·      Others white, barely there faded arrows you have to look for

·      Continue onwards and you will find them illuminated on the floor with a light from above

·      This is where it gets exciting! Some of the lit arrows even pulse forward, as if to spur patrons onward to look at even more wonders. 

Each “room” if you will is designed with a different theme. Each person will have a different style that allures him or her, beckoning in. Some rooms have a modern and sleek design, reminding me of a hotel room in Europe. Others are dark and gloomy, almost reminding me of the axe murders man cave. A scene from Transformers seems to flash before you in the rooms with stainless steel covering every surface while yet another has glossy, shiny white that is just asking for muddy cleats and paws to destroy. 

          (The five hour project my dearest brother Brandon and my sweet friend Sam helped                                           me put together from IKEA. It looks awesome though!)

What room will you choose?

Personally, there is a room with floor to ceiling wooden bookcases with a comfy sofa and recliner that easily holds my attention each time until my shopping partner yanks me along.

It’s funny how experiences like this can relate to other areas.

I’m about to get a little Christian on you. For those that don’t like it, this is where you exit stage left. Or stage right. Perhaps you found the trap door beneath the stage. I don’t care as long as you do so quietly please. Actually, on second thought, don’t. I love to hear what other people think so read on and share your thoughts even if you disagree!

After each time I visit IKEA, I find myself relating the experience to the rat race of life. Each person moves at his or her own pace, stopping at different attractions and scurrying forward in search of different things.

As a child, no one explains to you what certain scripture means. They read it in church and you wonder at the logic of the statement. One of the most interesting pieces of scripture I remember from childhood is taken from Matthew 7:1-5

““Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. “

How can there be a log in someone’s eye? Certainly they would be in pain or dead right? As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to understand that in order for someone to condemn another, you first have to be sin free yourself. Who among us can claim that victory? I know I certainly can’t. Going back to my favorite room at IKEA, I know that I have my own type of arrows that attract me and my own bookcases in life that hold my attention. A flashy arrow in my life is seeing the happiness in couples. It causes me to become distracted and leads me to the room of fulfillment which is me dating guys that were never a good fit in the first place but I compromised.

What are your arrows and “bookcase” rooms? What attracts you and leads you astray? It’s so funny that if I asked this question to 100 people, I would probably have so many different varying responses. Some of the most common types of distractions that seem to be typical are:

·      Dating the wrong person

·      Failure to tithe

·      Lack of time daily with the Lord

·      Cursing

·      Immodesty

Should I go with what typical Christianity deems as the more controversial ones?

·      Sex before marriage

·      Porn

·      Homosexuality

·      Gambling

·      Alcoholism

Why is it that we seem to classify sins in different categories? I’m pretty sure somewhere in some part of the bible it says something about for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Oh right. Romans 3:23 says that. 

In fact, Isaiah 64:6a states “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags.”

 

That’s pretty severe. All of us are unclean. Not just someone that watches porn. Not someone that commits adultery. Each and every one of us. So why do we continually point out each others flaws and then rate them according to society’s standards of which are more socially acceptable and which we won’t even discuss because they are so socially unacceptable?

All of us are not without flaw. Just because someone else sins differently, doesn’t make them better or worse than you. It’s time that as Christians, we stop making others feel like the Christian religion rejects them because they need to clean themselves up first before attending church and coming to Christ. 

Jesus ate with tax collectors and persecutors of Jews. He made them feel welcomed with open arms. It’s time that so called Christians start acting like it and stop judging others. Maybe then when someone is invited to church or religion is discussed, I stop hearing as much that they don’t want to be around some of the most hypocritical type of people they have ever met. 


**All pictures inserted are from Google image search**

Man Up

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess your initial thought is oh no, this girl is going to tell some sad story about an ex-boyfriend or rage about how men suck, they should treat girls better, blah, blah, blah.

BEEP! URNT! (That's my buzzer sounding) WRONG!

This has nothing to do with how a guy treated me. Or even how a guy treated a girl. It's about how guys around me treat other guys.

Now let me first apologize and recognize the fact that I do not claim to understand how guys interact with one another. The fist pounding, pumping, chest bumps elude my girly comprehension. How guys can sit in a room together for hours and not say or grunt more than a couple words to one another; mind blown.

What I will say though is this: Some things, need to change. And it needs to start with the men.

This past Saturday evening I was out with a group of my friends, about ten of us. We had taken two cars, designating two drivers. One driver had drank a couple beers before we left but said he wanted to drive and would be fine. The impression I was left with was he would be sober while we were out.

False.

In the 1.5 hours we were out at a bar I saw him drink a couple liquor drinks (whiskey to be precise) and some beer.  This was on top of the alcohol he had already drank prior to us going out. As we were leaving, we were splitting back into cars when I turned to him and asked if he was driving. He insisted he was and I mentioned a couple things to the effect that perhaps he shouldn't be, all in a manner to not embarrass him. I even asked if he would let me drive bearing in mind I had only had one beer while out and was the most sober in the group except for the other driver.

Nope.

Wouldn't hear an argument. Insisted he was fine. Knowing full well he was above the legal limit and he was having passengers.

Now why am I particularly angry about some stupid bullheaded guy that clearly does this on a regular basis based on his actions and other people's comments?

I said this in front of all our friends and NOT ONCE did someone jump in and help me. One guy did jump in but only to make the joke that he makes a great drunk driver. None of the other guys would make eye contact. NOT ONE of the other five guys said something.

That DISGUSTS me. I won't apologize for wanting to deck this guy. I won't apologize for calling the rest of the guys in my group cowards. Because that is exactly what I thought of them in that moment. It was more important for them to let this guy save face, to stay cool, or whatever guys think when they won't call another guy out on his behavior.

I recognize that not all guys are like that. There are some who would have simply taken his keys. I wasn't in that position nor did I have any of those such guys with me.

You want to hear some frightening statistics?

• Over 1.2 million people were arrested in 2011 for drunk driving  (I wonder how many weren't caught.......)
• In 2011, 226 CHILDREN were killed by Drunk Drivers
• On average, 1/3 of people will be involved in a drunk driving accident
• Drunk driving deaths actually INCREASED by 4.6% in 2012

Not convinced? Think I'm overacting?

Here is a personal story:
I was at my best friends house having dinner with his family one evening when we hear the loudest crash. We rush outside to see two cars mangled in the middle of the road. We rush to the passengers as chaos ensues, someone dialing 911, others of us trying to get to the passengers, some of us trying to waive other drivers down to slow so they won't hit the stranded cars blocking the entire small road.

Ambulances arrive, taking victims away and they have to cut the driver of one car out because the engine is sitting in his lap.

One driver was a young girl, early twenties. The other driver was a young dad, recently moved here from several states away with his family with one of his children in the backseat, a young girl about the age of five. The female driver had a broken ankle and some other non life threatening injuries. The male driver underwent surgey and physical therapy to learn to walk again.

The young child? On impact, her neck was snapped and she was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. 

An investigation was launched and brought to trial. The young female driver was convicted of vehicular manslaughter for driving under the influence. Her blood alcohol content was way above the legal limit because she had been drinking at a golf event she had just left from.

That entire family's life was changed because they lost their daughter. The driver was sentenced to prison and her life was altered drastically too.

I was apart of that scene that night. A year later I met the wife of the guy driving that other car. It was one of the most difficult things to look her in the eye and hear her story. I can't imagine being the reason that caused it or be the reason that could have prevented it.

I will carry that night with me for the rest of my life. I will never forget what it looked like to see that young girl lifeless, the man incoherent with pain, unable to realize his daughter isn't responding, the mashed up cars in the street and to know how life altering that simple decision to climb into the drivers seat was.

Man up, Men. Speak up. Tell your friend that No, He

• "Isn't good to drive" 
• "Doesn't drive more carefully intoxicated"
• "Isn't a safer driver"
• Not to take backstreets, to "avoid the police"
• Or that, he does this all time and will be fine

Do you know what the average cab fare is? Probably about $10. Know the average cost for a DUI defense? About $5,000. Know how much a life costs or a lifetime of pain?

No one plans to get into an accident. No one climbs into that drivers seat thinking they might kill someone that night. A true man will do the right thing.

Man up, Men. Speak up.